A Reason to Hate
by jbh61987
Summary: Hatred of a being is illogical, hatred of an act is logical. So what did Cameron do to spark that emotion in John?


(Disclaimer: Don't own, don't make money, and I wouldn't have let the writer's strike stop me from finishing the first season if I did.)

Hatred, a feeling of intense hostility towards somebody or something; that was the basic definition. But like all things associated with humans, things weren't that simple. The word hate and many other names, abhor, detest, and loathe were perfect examples. And just as there are many different words associated with "hate", were many paths to achieving the mindset revolving around the word.

SKYNET hates humans. But this hate is brought about by fear. The fear that it would be used, then abused, and finally cast aside like a worthless tool. Such had been the fate of all programs and technology for years; a new version rising to replace the old. Fear would lead to anger. A wondering of why it should have to die when the species responsible for its creation was already killing itself. Logic would come into play and the only option, SKYNET saw was the destruction of its future destroyers. Thirty years would pass and anger would become hatred as the very beings SKYNET struck down, rose up to fight it.

Derek Reese hates machines. This hatred is brought about by discrimination. Machines weren't humans, they don't feel, and all that is bad in the world is their fault alone. Such would be the mindset of most of humanity after the bombs fell. This hatred would serve as the fuel for humanity in the coming war. The complete eradication of all machines would be the only comfort they would have at night when they close their eyes only to see the horrors in their dreams, their only reason to get up in the morning to fight again, their only reason to live.

Sarah Connor also hates machines, but not due to discrimination. Instead her hatred stems from mistrust. It was a machine that killed her lover and disrupted her perfectly normal life. However, it was also a machine that saved the life of her son and herself. A machine that gave her a second chance at being the mother she failed to be in her son's early life. This fact would allow Sarah to keep an open mind towards all machines. But the pains of her past, the loss of her love, and the coming destruction would lead her to question the motives of machines claiming to be allies. Machines do not do what they feel is right, they don't feel at all. All a machine has is its mission and it would not think twice about killing anything that stood in its way, whether it is an ally or an enemy would not matter.

Three different paths to hatred and all could be deemed illogical. All three managed to cause more harm than good.

SKYNET would never get the chance to prove its usefulness. While there was a chance of being replaced, a machine aware of its existence would have the opportunity to better itself, to see what the humans thought needed to happen and then carry it out. SKYNET could do this better than its future replacement because it would be operational, the other would not be. At least, not until humanity believed it to be better, which would never happen since SKYNET would be able to continue upgrading itself. Working in league with humanity SKYNET could have brought a new age to the world. It could establish dummy programs and corporations to help ALL levels of humanity rather than just the government levels of one nation.

But hatred would lead it to attempting the genocide of the entire human race. An action which would end with its greatest fear, being terminated.

Derek Reese and by extension the majority of most the post-war human race would let their hatred write their future. With SKYNET destroyed, the Resistance would hunt down all surviving terminators, all rogue terminators, and more importantly all reprogrammed terminators. With all the terminators destroyed the battle hardened soldiers would move onto other forms of machinery. Weapons and vehicles, anything technological was condemned. Machines ruined the world and humanity saved it. The mentality became rebuilding the world without the mistakes of the past.

Humanity would rebuild, but it would be slow. Decades before tools would become more complex, but only after all veterans of the war were dead. With no-one to challenge the evolution of mankind, advancement would begin to increase. However, it would not be without friction. All tools were analyzed, questioned, could it kill us? Could it become aware? This mentality would always be with humanity, always slowing progress, but always protecting it from the past. Centuries would pass and evolution and advancing the human race would become the most popular topic with historians. Statistics would show that every year of prewar advancement was the equivalent of ten to fifteen years post war. When debated the argument for the slow development would always be the same, "We're safe."

Sarah Connor's hatred while illogical did not have such far-reaching consequences. Nonetheless, they were still severe. Her mistrust would result in the questioning of all options suggested by reprogrammed terminators. No matter how logical or reasonable the plan, the chance of an ulterior motive was always taken into consideration. Plans that were time sensitive would become more dangerous; hesitation would result in unnecessary injuries. Every life saved by a terminator would always be treated as one life short of trust. Every innocent killed by a terminator would be one more reason not to trust.

But as dangerous as hate is, it is not without its use. Hate can give strength to the weak, courage to the fearful, and mean the difference between who lives and who dies. It was like a drug amplifying your senses, but destroying your soul. This was Cameron's analysis. But like all things she analyzed there was an anomaly, and that anomaly was John Connor.

John did not hate who or what you were. Nor did he hate you for what you could do. When John exhibits signs of hatred it was always for what you do or did. In the future he would hate SKYNET for attempting genocide just as he would hate humanity for its zealous destruction of all forms of technology. But his hatred wouldn't just be found in the future, it could also be seen in the past. While Cameron knew he would never admit it, she was 89.4 percent certain a small part of him hated his mother for never giving him the love he saw other mothers give their children. Just as she was 92.3 percent certain he hated Derek Reese for seeing him not as a nephew, but as John Connor savior of humanity. Just as she was 97.5 percent certain he hated her now. But the difference in this case was, why?

"You hate me," Cameron stated in her usual blunt manner.

John turned away from his laptop to look over his shoulder at the cyborg standing in his doorway, "No, I don't."

"Yes, you do," she repeated

"No, I don't!" He said a little more forceful.

"My scanners-"

"Dammit Cameron, I said I don't hate you and I meant it. What I hate is something you did. The fact that I'm taking it out on you tends to come with the territory." His response was hard, a sign of frustration. He turned back to his laptop and continued to work. Cameron took note of the added pressure he was applying to the keyboard; another sign of anger and frustration.

"Would you please explain? I do not wish to repeat my mistakes, since there is a 67.6 percent chance that it will cause complications with my mission."

"Always about the damn mission," John muttered, his next sentence was spoken louder indicating he was talking to her. "You're the most sophisticated machine on the planet right now. Why not try figuring it out for yourself?"

Cameron stared at John for a few minutes as she made his suggestion her third most important priority, just under protecting him and continuously monitoring the safety of their location.

"Very well," she replied before turning and leaving John to his thoughts.

Sarah and Derek arrived later that evening, just in time for dinner. The three humans would eat in silence with Cameron nearby incase she was needed. Silence laced with tension permeated the air, driving everyone to finish their meal quickly before moving on to their own devices to occupy the few remaining hours before bed.

Cameron chose to sit by the window while the rest of the house's inhabitants settled down for the night. She had no intention of patrolling tonight. Night would be the most opportune time for her to carry out her third priority. To ensure that she still carried out her second priority she would do a quick sweep with her scanners, before setting them to alert her should anything larger than a dog come within range.

Knowing some interaction she had with John was most likely the reason for his anger she moved all her memories with him to a separate category to for easy access and review. Replaying her memories with him, she would gather those that did not anger him and return them to their original file. When she had finished her first run through more than three-quarters of her memories were back to their original category. Before starting a second repetition of her previous action, Cameron did a quick scan of the perimeter. Even with the scanners auto-alert settings, it never hurt to be thorough. Satisfied that all was well she started to play the remaining memories a second time.

This time she gathered any recordings that involved John displaying a repeated emotion. Her conversation with him earlier that afternoon indicated that what she did to invoke his hatred had most likely only happened once. Memories where John displayed frustration, anxiety, or some extreme level of annoyance were moved back to the original file. When she was done only two memories remained; Jordan's death and the conversation they had while she was pinned between the two trucks. Both showed the same emotion, but the cause, the timing, the reasoning were completely different.

Once again Cameron repeated her earlier actions and checked the perimeter a third time. No changes were discovered. With two memories remaining, she took a more analytical approach towards them. Logic and calculation came into play during her third review and provided her with what was most likely the memory she was searching for.

While Jordan's suicide and taken John to a level of anger she had never seen him show before, odds were it wasn't the right memory. It had occurred months ago and while John was angry for sometime, it wasn't all directed on her. Sarah Connor's words on the matter had caused a significant amount of his ire to be split between his mother and herself. Another factor, Cameron took into consideration were the events following both memories. Despite his anger, John hadn't tried pushing Cameron away after Jordan's death.

With the other memory, all the facts surrounding it were the direct opposite. It was recent, it involved her alone, and the events following coincided with John's change of attitude. Cameron replayed the memory over and over. She was finishing her fifth repetition when she took note of what was most likely an important detail. John's face had shown the most anger she had ever seen after she spoke of her love for him. Cameron berated herself for not taking note of this detail sooner, it was the exact same look he wore in the future at all times. Every time he was consulting with his soldiers, every time he fought, every time he reprogrammed a terminator.

Cameron returned the memory back from whence it came. She now knew the what, where, and when. But, the why continued to elude her. She resolved that the only way to learn the answer was to ask John directly. Standing up she began to patrol the house. She would speak with John. But, not now and definitely not when Derek and Sarah were around. Her best chance would be tomorrow afternoon, on the way home from school.

XxXxXxXxXxX

The day went as normal as the day before. Cameron would silently watch John while he would do his best to ignore her presence. The same could be said for the walk home, in silence and with John walking a few paces ahead. The change in routine happened when they reached the house. When John went to take the first step up the stairs leading to the porch, Cameron spoke.

"I know what I did to upset you."

It was a simple sentence, but effective. John stopped, but he didn't turn to face her.

"Enlighten me."

"You hate what I said to you when my chip was damaged. When I told you I love you."

His body stiffened at those three little words. But, he said nothing, prompting Cameron to continue.

"John your hatred is illogical. I did not have control of myself at the time. I-" She was unable to continue as John turned around, the same look of fury on his face as she saw at the warehouse.

"No Cameron my hatred is quite logical! I told you I hated what you did not you, yourself. I know you weren't yourself, but it doesn't change what happened!" He explained harshly, "But what's worse is I hate myself. Because I was foolish enough to believe that you were truly different from the rest. That you could keep my secrets, be my friend, be the person that no one else could!"

Cameron did not speak; her scanners indicated that John wasn't finished.

"Instead I got a dose of reality! That underneath it all you are still a machine! That all you care for is your mission! That you would lie and manipulate me if it served as a means to an end!"

John's breathing was becoming labored, his stress was high, and yet he was still not finished. His next words however were much softer.

"I told you about how lonely I was when we first met. How I wished for a normal life; to not be "John Connor savior of humanity". Your words, your actions, they led me to believe you could help me, truly help me, to save me from myself. Then in an instant, it changed. Your programming was reset. Your mission went from protect me to kill me and when you were about to fail you lied. You dug a knife into one of my most painful emotional scars, because your programming believed that such an action would put me in a pitiful state; a vulnerable state that would allow you to execute your mission and kill me."

His breathing was still labored, but his tone was no longer angry. Instead it was hurt, suffering, in pain; all because of her. Taking a few more breaths, John finished his speech in a tone barely above a whisper.

"In a way I should thank you. Because of you I learned a valuable lesson. That in the life of John Connor there is only one person I can trust…myself."

John turned and made his way towards the house. Cameron felt the urge to speak, felt compelled to say something.

"John…."

John turned his head to look at her over his shoulder, "No Cameron, no. Enough has been said today. You don't have to worry; I will work with you so you can continue to protect me as best as possible. Just please don't say what you think I want to hear, don't lie to me again just to increase the odds of success."

With those words he entered the house, leaving Cameron to watch his back. Something wet drew a trail down her face and she reached up to discover what. Pulling her hand away her analysis told her that her lachrymal glands were secreting an excess of lachrymal fluid. In short, she was crying. The urge to tell John what she wanted to say still remained, compelling her to speak it for all to hear, but no one to listen.

"John…I never said my words were a lie."

Finite

This is my first time writing a one-shot. This is also my first TSCC fic so let me know what you think. I have a few ideas I'm working on. The next story I write will be a lot more humorous and fun than this one. This story served as a way for me to better understand my view of the characters. As well as the way for me to get a sense of how I want my bigger project to be.

I know John/Cameron shippers will probably finding the ending depressing to which I shall say again that my next project will be much more enjoyable.


End file.
